Divorce for Seniors: Unique Challenges and Considerations
In the past, you probably never thought of a grandparent or other elderly person getting a divorce. Once a couple surpassed 20 years of marriage, they were pretty much guaranteed to stay married for life.
Times have changed. Today, couples in their 50s, 60s, and beyond are filing for divorce at high rates. In 1990, less than 9% of all divorces in the United States occurred among those over the age of 50. By 2019, that percentage had quadrupled to 36%
Divorce over the age of 50 has been termed a “gray divorce,” and it is a trend that can have far-reaching effects. While divorce is a huge stressor and emotional event at any age, splitting is much more complicated when it occurs later in life. There are often adult children and even grandchildren involved, as well as complex finances and assets to sort out.
To better understand the implications of gray divorce, here is a look at the common causes and the challenges a couple will face.
Causes of Gray Divorce
Divorce after decades of marriage can occur for a variety of reasons.
Growing apart. Many couples stay together for the children, and then once the kids leave, they realize they’re not happy. Raising children tends to mask relationship issues, so once that job is done, couples may reassess their relationship and discover they have little in common or no emotional intimacy.
Desire for personal fulfillment. As people surpass middle age, they often reevaluate their lives and realize they want something different. This could mean new hobbies, experiences, or even romantic relationships. As life expectancy increases, many do not want to spend their remaining decades in an unfulfilling marriage. Instead, they choose to prioritize their own happiness.
Financial independence. Many people over 50, especially women, are more financially independent than previous generations. With their own careers, savings, and retirement plans, they are less likely to stay in a marriage purely for financial security. This autonomy gives them the freedom to leave a relationship that no longer meets their needs.
Long-term incompatibility. Over the years, small differences in values, goals, or personalities can become larger divides. Some couples find that they have not grown together. The slow drift apart often becomes more apparent in later life, leading to the realization that they’re no longer a good match.
Disagreements about retirement. Retirement often brings a major lifestyle shift. Some people want to travel and stay active, while others prefer a quieter, home-based routine. Conflicting visions can create friction. If couples cannot align on major post-retirement goals, separation can seem like the best option.
Financial differences. Money issues always seem to be common, but they can be amplified as a couple nears retirement. As people get older and tend to work less, there may be heated discussions about money matters. This is especially true if one person is a saver while the other is constantly spending money.
Infidelity or trust issues. While cheating is not common in long-term marriages, infidelity can still play a role in gray divorces. A betrayal later in life can be especially painful and may cause one partner to decide they no longer want to continue the relationship. The breach of trust can highlight deeper issues.
Common Challenges
Divorce often comes with complexities, but they are often magnified when a divorce happens later in life. Here are some common challenges associated with gray divorces:
Division of retirement assets. Just like money is a major issue in marriage, it tends to be one in gray divorces as well. Older couples typically have built up significant retirement savings, including 401(k)s, IRAs, pensions, and annuities. Dividing these accounts can be legally and financially complex, often requiring a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) for employer-sponsored plans. Mistakes can trigger tax penalties or losses in future retirement income. Since older people have less time to rebuild savings, the division must be handled carefully to ensure both parties can maintain a stable retirement.
Healthcare and insurance. One of the biggest post-divorce challenges is healthcare coverage. If one spouse was covered under the other’s health plan, they may lose that coverage after the divorce. Those under 65 must seek private insurance, which can be very expensive. Medicare eligibility (starting at age 65) may ease this burden, but gaps in coverage or high costs can be financially devastating, particularly for those with pre-existing conditions or chronic illnesses.
Emotional impact. After decades of shared history, routines, and relationships, ending a marriage can cause deep emotional distress. The loss of companionship and identity tied to being part of a couple can lead to depression or loneliness. Grown children may struggle emotionally as well, particularly if they're asked to take sides or if family traditions are disrupted. Rebuilding a social life and sense of purpose later in life can be difficult, especially if one's social circle was largely shared with the former spouse.
Income disparity. In many gray divorces, one spouse may have sacrificed their career for family, resulting in unequal income and retirement savings. Spousal support may be necessary for a long time due to the age of the parties and limited prospects for meaningful employment. Courts may consider the receiving spouse’s need for continued financial support to maintain a similar lifestyle, especially if they are unemployable or underemployed due to age, health, or lack of recent work experience.
Estate planning complications. Divorce later in life requires significant updates to wills, trusts, and beneficiary designations. Forgetting to update these documents can result in an ex-spouse unintentionally inheriting property. The process can also create conflicts over inheritance, especially when adult children or new romantic partners are involved.
Contact Us Today
Splitting up is not easier as you get older. A couple can get divorced at any age, but gray divorces come with their own challenges.
Ashley A. Andrews, APC, is an Arcadia divorce attorney who can help you during this emotional time. We are committed to honesty and integrity and will create a strategy tailored to your unique situation. To schedule a consultation, fill out the online form or call (626) 346-0114.