Children and Divorce: Ensuring Their Well-Being Amidst Change
When a couple decides to divorce, there is a lot they have to keep in mind. This is especially true if there are children involved. Not only is the couple going through a huge change, but so are the children. Younger children are even more likely to have questions and concerns about what is happening and how their lives are about to change.
Witnessing the end of a parent’s marriage can be deeply upsetting for children of any age. Even adult children feel the pain of their parents' divorce later in life. Younger children are especially vulnerable. They may feel confused, angry, or overwhelmed. Some might even blame themselves for the changes at home. They will likely have questions about child custody. Where will your child live?
Divorce is rarely without emotional difficulty, and it is normal for children to experience grief during this transition. However, by prioritizing their emotional and physical well-being, parents can significantly mitigate the impact and help their children better navigate the changes. With your support, your kids can navigate this unsettling time, and even feel more loved and confident than ever before.
Talking to Children About Divorce
Discussing divorce with children is one of the most emotionally challenging aspects of a separation. These conversations can shape how a child copes with the changes, so it is important to approach the topic with honesty and compassion. The following tips can help parents and children navigate this difficult time:
Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute. Children should hear about the divorce directly from their parents before they begin to notice signs or hear it from others. Waiting too long or hiding it can cause confusion, mistrust, or a feeling of betrayal.
Tell your child together with your spouse, if possible. Presenting a united front shows your child that you are still working together as parents. It helps maintain a sense of security, even in the face of big changes.
Keep things simple and straightforward. Use age-appropriate language and avoid overwhelming your child with too many details. Focus on what will directly affect them, such as where they will live, how often they will see each parent, and what stays the same.
Tell them the divorce is not their fault. Children often blame themselves for the divorce. Reassure them that this is a grown-up decision and that nothing they did or did not do caused the separation.
Be honest about the emotions involved. Let your child know it is okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Encourage them to express how they feel and let them know their feelings are valid.
Reassure your child that both of you still love them and always will. Make it clear that while your relationship as a couple is ending, your roles as parents are not. Reinforce your commitment to being there for them consistently and lovingly.
Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the child. Avoid blaming or criticizing your spouse in front of your child. Children should never feel like they must choose sides or carry the emotional burden of adult conflicts. Keep the conversation focused on the child’s well-being, not on the reasons for the divorce.
Supporting Your Child Through the Grief of Divorce
Divorce can feel like a profound loss for children. They will have to deal with the loss of a parent’s daily presence, the family unit as they knew it, or the comfort of routine. Here is how you can support your children as they process their grief:
Listen with empathy. Create a safe space for your child to share their thoughts and emotions. They may express sadness, confusion, or frustration about things you had not considered. Listen patiently and without judgment.
Help them name their emotions. Children often struggle to articulate how they feel. Gently observe their moods and guide them in putting words to their emotions so they feel understood and validated.
Encourage honesty. Let your child know it is okay to express whatever they are feeling, even if those feelings include anger or blame. Reassure them that their honesty will not hurt you and that it is better to talk than to keep things bottled up.
Keep the conversation open. Children process divorce in stages. As they grow and mature, they may revisit earlier questions or concerns. Be prepared to discuss the situation multiple times and offer support along the way.
Validate their feelings. While you may not be able to fix their pain, acknowledging it helps them feel seen and supported. Let them know their feelings are real and acceptable, and show that you are there to help them through it.
What Else Can Parents Do?
Parents should stay alert to signs of distress. Young children may act out with aggression or withdrawal, while older children often experience sadness, grief, or declining school performance. Behavioral issues are common, and as children grow, they may struggle with relationships and self-esteem.
Children adjust best when they know that both parents remain committed to them, even if they no longer live together. Minimizing conflict, avoiding lengthy custody battles, and not pressuring children to choose sides can significantly reduce the emotional toll. Research shows that children fare better when parents cooperate and maintain a low-conflict environment.
Ongoing parental support is essential. If a child continues to show signs of distress, consult a pediatrician or family doctor for guidance. A referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist may help address emotional challenges and support the family through the transition. Counseling can also assist parents in creating a more stable and nurturing environment after a divorce.
Contact Us Today
Divorce is complex — even more so when children are involved. It may be hard enough for parents to deal with the changes. Having to guide your children through a divorce as well can be a highly emotional and frustrating experience.
Get the help you need from Arcadia child custody attorney Ashley A. Andrews, APC. I’m here to empower you with knowledge and clarity during challenging times. Schedule a consultation today by calling (626) 346-0114 or filling out the online form.
This material is provided for educational purposes only. Providing this information does not establish an attorney/client relationship. None of the information contained in this post should be acted upon without first consulting with an experienced family law mediator and attorney. Should you have questions about the content of this post, please arrange to discuss via a consultation.